My life was a mess. I was struggling for even the simple victories and it was much easier just to give up. Thus, my hole-in-the-wall apartment was a mess, I had a crappy, low-paying job, and my social life was non-existent. I was distant from God and very rarely prayed or read my Bible. I owed close to a million dollars to a loan shark that looked like Jack Nicholason.
Then I won the lottery. Not a whole lot (relatively), just about $7 million, but it was more than enough to change every aspect of my life. My personal character failed though and I binged on vices instead of improving my life. In came the drinking and drugs and violence. I began to spend around a million dollars a day just to keep up my expensive habits. After 3 days, I realized that I had been robbed and the remaining money was gone. All I had was a few folded handfuls of hundreds in my pocket.
It hit me that I needed redemption. My life was a mess before the money and more of a mess after receiving it. I was far worse off for having won. I turned to God, but it was painful to approach because of the way I had been. Before I tried to totally reconcile myself to him, I wanted to clean up a few things that were wrong*.
I stopped my vices and went instead to a $5 movie for my entertainment. When I started to leave, I noticed my loan shark in a limo waiting for me. Cigar smoke billowed out and he beckoned for me to enter, opening a door slowly. Against my better judgment, I entered.
As soon as I got in, a silver revolver pressed against my temple. He pulled back the trigger and asked for him money. “I was robbed,” I told him. “My money was stolen. I had a lot. Just give me some time to find it.” Impatient and upset, he pulled the trigger and a shot rang in my ears. I was initially terrified because I was dying without having been fully reconciled to my God. I felt all of my muscles loosen especially those in my forehead. It seemed that my soul was floating upward. I quickly prayed, “Father…forgive me…” before I lost all conscious control. I felt a growing joy inside me as I rose higher and higher.
I was sorely disappointed to wake up in my bed.
*=This is faulty thinking. Jesus paid the entire price and our reconciliation was complete. There are no works needed to make us more “clean” in God’s eyes.
As of today, I am not taking classes next semester. For the first time since 1st grade, I will not be required to pursue academics. It's an odd feeling.
I was a mere 3 days late with an advising session that could have had me admitted to a teacher certification program at Eastern. I was irritated because I sent an email prior to that asking about my options, but no one got back to me in time. How will that affect my future?
Do I get a real person, 40+ hours/week job? Try to find something with a salary and benefits? Do I take classes anyway and start on the path to becoming a teacher? 90 credits though...not exciting.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind missing a semester especially based on the problems facing our potential business. Generally, we can keep trip costs to a very affordable $300, but that doesn't include transportation. We can rent a van for a week, but that pushes the cost to over $400. We could buy one for cheaper (overall), but where would we get the money for that? I found some for as little as $7,000, but even that is too much for a bunch of college kids weighed down with student loans. It's a painfully realistic possibility that we won't be able to start this summer either.
I need to meet with my fellow directors. We need to pray and plan. Or maybe give up, but nobody likes words like that.
For now, I'll drink my Peppermint Schnapp-infused mocha and think about Christmas.
I'm home alone and, despite reasoning against it, it feels like someone is in here with me. It's creepy.
There are creaks and groans everywhere from the wind. The Christmas wreath is banging against the window, the dishwasher is swooshing around, and the dryer occasionally emits a high-pitched beep. The door was open a crack when I came home and none of the entrances were locked. I recently found out that the door was opened a crack again even though I'm pretty sure I closed it all the way when I came in.
Amid all these little noise distractions, I can't help but think how easy it would be to sneak around in this house.
Ever get that feeling? I keep looking over my shoulder, paranoid.
No one is home and I felt like telling this story so you, teh Internetz, get to enjoy my brag.
In Accounting, my professor asked a question that I answered though she didn't hear me. Before I could repeat myself, she explained the question again and someone else answered with the opposite answer. The rest of the class agreed with him like sheep(though I'm sure they all heard my answer). I was embarrassed since, usually, the majority is correct. I had taken a stab at the solution and apparently come up empty.
But I was right. They were wrong. She explained the correct answer and I could feel several people glance my way. I felt good, but I had trouble making my head fit out the door.
And on to more humbling things, I'm 23 and I live at home with my parents. Like my brother before me, I'm stuck in limbo trying to decide what to do with my life. Well, that's not entirely true. I know what I want to do, but I'm having trouble deciding how to do it (that is, support it).
I wish I could get a College do-over. Not that I didn't like Psychology, it's just not doing anything practical for me. If I had enough foresight as a Freshman or Sophomore, I would have definitely done teaching. Would have made things much easier today. As it is, I may have to step backward to step forward. I may have gotten on the wrong set of stairs.
I was with a group doing a hike in what I remember as Isle Royale. We were on the slope of a fairly steep hill surrounded by wild grass and tall pines. The trees formed a circle far enough around us that we had a clear view of the almost clear sky.
Suddenly, a member of our party called out a warning near the back, “Dogs!” he yelled, “We’ve got dogs!” We all understood the implication immediately (as it often happens in dreams). Should we not be able to find shelter, we could very easily be mauled and eaten by a pack of wild dogs. I ran on ahead but I was careful not to panic the muscled canines now running in our midst. I knew that if I showed signs of weakness or flight, they would instantly be upon me.
Over the next hill, we came on a bathroom building though it had more of an appearance of a bunker. I knew it would be strong enough to withstand the siege of dogs so I ran wildly toward the door. Of course, my action caused the sudden violent reaction of the pack of dogs as they began to nip and bite at my companions. I ran through an opening and shut out everyone and everything behind a heavy, metal door. I heard the upset shouts of the other hikers and let them in one by one so long as I thought there were no dogs near them. It became too much of a risk in no time. The dogs were too mixed up with humans and we could no longer afford to try and let new people in. The screams were agonizing.
I was suddenly driving a motor boat around a lake, totally care-free. I towed a parasail behind me though no one was attached at the top.
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